Let’s start with the last 2 months… endless involuntary crying, writhing, unreasonable lack of control of anger… It’s a time where I’m stuck at a point where I want to reset myself, filled with a heavy burden as if it will never end…
As I read these sentences, I feel like, I feel the question you ask; “What happened?” Nothing happened, I was just left in a huge void. It is a distress that comes with walking without seeing the end of the road, on a summer night when uncertainty is rampant, and my whole body is covered in fever. At first, I resisted this situation very much. Then I realized it was time to remind myself of the well-known truth I tell every student: “Don’t resist uncertainty! The more you resist, the harder that uncertainty will hit you. Don’t react to the impact. Have you heard of Newton’s law of action and reaction? According to this law; If a force of any magnitude acts on an object, the object reacts equally but in the opposite direction to this force. In other words, when you slap someone, their cheek applies as much force to you as you do, without the person having to hit you, and you slap yourself as well. The most important thing here is; THE UNIVERSE DOES NOT WORK BY REACTION TO IMPACT, IT PRESENTS YOU ITS TEACHING WHEN YOU CREATE AN EFFECT AGAINST THE REACTION.” I moved on, entering the process of acceptance. It didn’t work, because being treated unfairly was not a situation I could structurally handle. But I tried to ignore it. I integrated the process of acceptance into myself by not caring about that situation. In short, I stopped complaining. It worked a little. During this process, I realized that I could not do any of my energy work. I was neither complaining to God nor talking and asking for help. I realized I was doing my best to squeeze myself into my shell. Now I have returned to my love of God, I am with him every evening with my intentions again. I started to balance myself with chakra balancing in my Reiki practices. I started to find my spiritual balance. I started exercising again, sweating is perfect for removing toxins from the body. Heavy training that does not tire me physically is one of the most important factors that relax me mentally and spiritually. Amid all this mental fatigue/intensity, there were also my students. My sweet students to whom I give private yoga lessons. At that time, I was divided within myself. Because my problem was mine, no one needed to know about it and get bored. Melis before the lesson started, Melis during the lesson and Melis returned to her previous state after the lesson. To do yoga, to make it feel, to stretch my body and feel the blood circulating in all my muscles, to inhale all the oxygen and go down to the earth from above, to take the energy from the bottom up with pressure and release it to the sky from the top of my head… I started to find my physical balance again with the serenity of yoga and the extreme activity of sports. I took the uncertainty, the chaos I was experiencing, and started to knead it. I listed the possible consequences, good or bad. I made my abstract plans. Making plans is ridiculous, because “IF WE MADE PLAN, GOD LAUGHED FROM ABOVE”. That’s why I call it an abstract plan, plans in the air, not full of subtext, they may or may not happen…
Patience is; It is a secret, it is a shame, it is a test…!!! – Mevlana
“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” Soren Kierkegaard
I am in this exact reality!
Melis GENCE
Instagram: @melispurelife
