Considering I had such a cheerful start on this corner, I am assuming you do expect some sort of a fun topic. Not going to happen. Nope can’t do it. I have tired. I have tried all night to try to fill under 23 different topics of fun stories for you. However, turns out when I am in the mood I am in, I can’t be funny and cheery.
Cause unlike what most of you think, living in London and being in fashion is not that dandy and it is not all drinks and parties and cameras. Actually, it is a ball of stress. A stress you either love or hate. I unfortunately love that stress and my current reason for being in a bad mood is because my wanted stress is taken away by an unwanted stress.
I have mention in my last article there has been a flood in my work room which is below our showroom which took a month for the water to be fixed. It was a burst pipe… So now we are waiting for things to dry and get fixed while we are cutting all the destroyed hats before sending them off to garbage… Yes, my hats are going to garbage because after all that water & damp damage nothing can be done for them, to save them and believe me I have tried.
Normally I am pretty good at making fun of my life. Maybe that is because I used to be made fun of a lot, or that is the only way I can cope with the tragedy of living. Not sure… But I realise making fun of things is my survival method as well as it keeps me on the positive side of things… Well, most of the time…Not this time… Or can I?
I mean how can I though, when I had to talk through every single department in Thames Water in order to convinced them that there was a pipe burst for a month. Seriously I could have just started working in Thames after the past month. Me on the phone for 4 hours a day is a levelling up in my world. I hate talking on the phone.
So, let’s go back to the topic of “me”, yes, I am looking to be the centre of attention here. And I know, I know you might even say people are going through so much worst, it is not the end of world. I know but can we please acknowledge our own little dramas while not denying the rest of the world’s dramas. This is a problem for me, and when we have a problem instead of belittling our own problems, we acknowledge them. Says the women who gets upset at herself every time she is complaining…
I don’t believe the glass is half empty, I accept the fact that glass is half empty, and I choose to enjoy the glass half full. See life is all about perspectives. So how you look at it kind of determine you cope with it. A lot of bad things will happen through our lives, and as Murphy’s law predicts when one bad thing happens others will follow. I am currently in a cycle like this. It has been a nightmare which is fine, I am fine. Not that fine but fine… More than anything it has been horrible cause for the first time in the past 12 years of my life I have not made a hat for almost two months. It might drive me crazy or let’s put it like this; my crazy might come out because of this. Also, I want to take a moment here to acknowledge my addiction on making hats.
I love working so much. My hats are my sanctuary. Every time I have my fabrics, my blocks, and my wires I am in a place where I can control the outcome and make something pretty, cheerful or make something angry or dramatic. I can just make my feelings into hats. I can’t make anything with my feelings right now. I have big feelings. I always had bigger feelings then most people around me, so I have to find a way to diverse those feelings into something in order to have controllable levels of “feelings”.
Don’t tell me it will get better; I know it will. I know it will even if it won’t.
Now here is the second problem “BE POSITIVE”
For God sake I think I am positive enough, considering I have made it so far of the game.. However, that does not mean I did not cry or I did not have negative thoughts or moments of despair. Those are part of staying positive. Acknowledging your feelings and your reality then finding a light or strength to dream for better. That is staying positive not ignoring the nightmare.
Okay here is how I am coping with the whole thing….
-I refuse to get out of bed unless I have to, aka depression as it is best
-I clean neurotically
-I smoke profoundly – do not smoke it is bad for you-
-I walk endlessly – London is not that big really-
-I refuse communication with all my friends, and they know it and it is okay
See this is me trying to accept the empty part of the glass. It is not pretty, it is not all smiles, it not about saying yes or no, it is not about giving up. It is accepting my feelings and letting the storm pass.
I bumped into a video recently and it was Tom Hanks, and he was saying something like:
“I wish I knew this earlier in my life ‘this shall pass too’”.
He said that is not a saying just for bad moments but also for good moments. This is a good perspective to look at the situation from; “This shall pass too” I loved it and I think I am taking this as my light to figure a way out of this current cycle of darkness. This shall pass too.
We need to learn how to enjoy the good moment to the fullest as they don’t last forever which also means we have to hold on tight during the storms as they shall pass too.
Well, my friends, this shall pass too. And next time I shall take you for a stroll in town or a journey of a hat. We shall see.
Love you all till next time.
MERVE BAYINDIR
Hat & Millinery Designer
www.mervebayindir.com
Instagram: mervebayindiroffical
