“A strong mindset, the first step in the outlook on life of those who lead a happy life, are taken in the ‘family’. Therefore, the foundation of our negative mood and perspective is also laid in the family. In other words, our identity and identities first emerge in our childhood and the family environment we have. The family is the smallest building block of societies and also reflects the character of societies. In this article, I will mostly talk about the ‘family,’ which is often the beginning of everything; I will examine its beauties, difficulties, and inevitable problems. What is the secret of happy families, how can we improve the conditions with our own families, and create happier tomorrows?
There can be nuclear families consisting only of parents and children, as well as much larger families with grandparents and grandchildren. Love and attachment form the basis of the family. However, just like in every aspect of society, there can be problems of various sizes within the family. Let’s elaborate a bit and see what kind of problems we can encounter within the family…
Possible problems within the family:
Incompatibility in marriage, divorce, separation
Harsh criticism
Financial difficulties
Jealousy
Infidelity, being cheated on
Substance abuse
Alcohol problems
Incorrect parenting attitudes
Depression, anxiety, etc.
Sexual problems
Children’s temporary difficulties (adolescence)
Violence
These points can be expanded. It’s not surprising. Because there is conflict in every relationship, sometimes even with ourselves, conflicts between spouses, children, or conflicts as parents are inevitable. The essential thing starts after this point. We have problems, that’s okay; the ‘happiness,’ which is the real issue, depends on our ability to analyze and solve these problems.
In some relationships, communication is like a wall. While trying to solve family problems, if the person or people who are the source of the problem have a communication that is like a wall, unanswered, effortless, and says ‘That’s it for me,’ then there will be communication accidents within the family. In a way, if a door is not opened for a solution, that car crashes into that wall. The consequences of these communication accidents spread primarily to children, schools, and workplaces. Family problems, like a viral situation, spread to society. Individuals without peace within the family become unhappy when they leave home, have various problems in their minds throughout the day, cannot work, or learn, cannot realize their potential, and cannot focus on success or happiness. Because the person lives with a war in their mind. In short, our family is the first and most important step for our happiness and for the health of society. Every family that establishes healthy communication is a great blessing; the children they raise become confident, happy, and successful individuals and are an asset to society. The children of families that experience unsolvable and chaotic problems generally become individuals with mental health problems for society. There is a ‘psychological family legacy’ that we cannot deny. What can we do to better equip this legacy that prepares us for our entire life?
Whatever we go through, one part of our heart loves our family. Sometimes, even if their paths diverge, love is stored somewhere. Let’s focus on love and see what we can do:
Like mapping a city, we need to define and be aware of the problems. We cannot fight an unknown and unfamiliar situation. Finding the root of the problem is essential.
If we have problems that we cannot overcome (especially substance addiction, violence, etc.), we should seek professional help. The right help will guide your way.
Arguments are not good, but ignoring problems, denying them, and not talking about them is the most dangerous thing you can do. Talking and healthy communication means solving fifty percent of the problems. Conversations done with respect and a certain tone will help you.
The biggest mistake in any relationship bouquet within the family is criticism.
Instead, the process should progress with sweet words, compliments, speaking sensitively, and motivating. For example, ‘You have achieved many good things so far. You have overcome many problems at work as well. I’m sure we will get through this chaos we are experiencing right now. Our good days are very close.’ With such a conversation, you have made a speech that directs self-confidence to the person in front of you, reminds them of the problem, and expresses your trust in them. This is a very effective method.
Create hobbies that will raise your energy to make yourself happy.
Pay attention to personal privacy within the family.
Give problems time. No one likes to be choked. If you’ve tried and couldn’t solve the problem, you can give yourself and your family some time.
I don’t want to say give up but remember that your best friend is still yourself. If you believe you’ve done your best but happiness is slipping away, don’t allow it. Your primary concern is your happiness.
Family relationships can be complex and challenging. However, you can program yourself and your family to make life beautiful even with existing problems. By emotionally supporting each other and communicating with words of love, you will be happier as a family. Loving and knowing that you are loved is a beautiful thing; express it…
WITH LOVE…”
Ozlem Tuna
Sociologist / NLP expert / Seminar and Speaker
For Consultancy and Communication; ozlemtunaofficial@gmail.com
